Why Celibacy Is Suddenly Trending (and Yes, I’ve Been Doing It, So I Have Thoughts)
Tips on how to stick to a celibacy commitment. Plus the newest GlowUp with Shaman Isis
By Shaman Isis
Spiritual Teacher | Consciousness Advocate | Lover of Divine Truth
Let’s start with the basics: celibacy is commonly defined as the voluntary abstention from ummm intimate activity, often for a specific period of time or for a particular purpose (spiritual, personal, etc.). According to the encyclopedic definition, celibacy is often found in religious or yogic traditions as a way to focus one’s energy and attention.
Now, why is this “old-school” concept suddenly showing up in our feeds, dating apps, and wellness conversations? I mean, I’ve been celibate for years, which means I’m no longer experiencing the first date hook-up fatigue, the “swipe left” god-awful text chain, or the post-hook-up existential crisis. So yes, part of my bias is baked in, but the trend is real.
What’s going on
Social/media saturation + hook-up culture burnout. According to an article in The Guardian, the hashtag #celibacy has amassed millions of views on TikTok, and the idea of intentional or “voluntary” celibacy is being talked about as a way to step off the perpetual dating-and-hook-up treadmill.
Risk-/reward calculus changing. As one piece in Psychology Today observes, about 1 in 6 women and 1 in 10 men report a “pause” on smex and dating. Many cite personal growth, autonomy, and protection (emotional, reputational, physical) as motivations.
Demographic and social shifts. A survey of Black Gen Z daters found 43% practising celibacy, with 64% of those being women, and many citing mental well-being and personal development as key reasons.
Wellness and “cleanse” framing. One wellness trend piece even lists voluntary celibacy (or “boysober”) among the new mental health practices for 2024.
So yes: it’s becoming trendy, though let’s not pretend it’s all glam and filtered light. It’s layered, messy, and often deeply personal.
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My take (because yes, I’ve been on this ride)
My decision to stop relations with all people came after a bad experience with someone tampering with my drink. Thankfully, I caught it in time, but the bad taste (har har) didn’t leave my system. So, I decided it was time for a long break.
When I began my own celibacy commitment (no casual, no hooking up, no “well, maybe it won’t count if we just…”), I thought: “Great. I’ll meditate more. I’ll write more. I’ll raise my vibration. I’ll save money on messy relationships.” And yes, mostly correct. I got focus. I got clarity. I got a lot less drama.
But I also got quieter evenings, fewer insistent texts, and a smidge of the “Are you allowed to still flirt in your head?” moments. And yes, there were times the mind whispered, “Maybe I’ll loosen the rules just this once …” (to which I replied, “Nope. Not worth it.”)
What’s funny is that when everyone else is frantically swiping, negotiating boundaries, and trying to decode signals (“Does he like me? Or does he just want me?”), You quietly sit in your own energy field and sip tea. It’s like being at a party and deciding your favourite part is outside on the balcony, and yes, you’ll go back in later if you want, but you’re just enjoying the breeze first.
Tips on how to stick to a celibacy commitment (a short-term spiritual cleanse style)
Here are some of my pragmatic (and slightly cheeky) suggestions:
Define why. Write down your reason. Is it a conscious reset? A spiritual cleanse? Resting your heart after dating burnout? When I did mine, I scribbled: I will channel all this energy into creating beautiful work.
Set a term. “I’ll do this for 90 days” is valid. “Until I meet my soul-mate” is more like a moving target. Some boundaries help anchor the experience.
Create physical/temporal boundaries. For example, no sleeping over the first month. No dating apps for dates that lead to intimacy. This helps you break the routine of expectation.
Invest in self-pleasure of a non-sensual kind. By that I mean: meditations, breathwork, yoga, dance, writing, art. For me, I replaced “flirt with someone tonight” with “flirt with my own potential tonight.”
Have accountability (but gently). You don’t need a deputy of the celibacy police. But a friend, a coach, or a journal check-in helps. “How am I feeling at Day 45?” can be better than “Did I make it or fail?”
Celebrate the little wins. You didn’t ghost anyone this week. You didn’t negotiate intimacy you didn’t want. That is worthy of noting.
Fluidity is okay. If the cleanse becomes the new default and that’s not what you intended, that’s fine. The point is awareness—you choose, you don’t drift.
In a world where intimacy is generally sold as either the ultimate reward or the terrifying trap (sometimes both simultaneously), choosing celibacy can feel radical. (And yes, I’m chuckling because I did choose it years before it became “trendy.”) It’s not a moral judgement; it’s a choice. A conscious pause. A way to say: “I’m doing my own thing. I’m not ignoring desire, I’m redirecting it.”
If you choose to lean into this trend, do so with integrity, humour, and a clear intention. And don’t worry, when and if you decide to re-enter the arena, you’ll likely do so with a sharper sense of what you actually want.
Don’t miss the latest episode of GlowUp with Shaman Isis. I sat down with Daoist Healer and Tai Chi Master, Sifu Boggie. Available on all podcast platforms, links to Spotift and Apple below.
With love,
Cynthia
Shaman Isis
