The Price for Perfectionism and How to Use it for Growth
For years, during job interviews, I proudly shared that perfectionism was one of my best traits. Potential employers ate it up. Little did I know how much I was telling on myself. Of course, they loved it. It meant I would overwork and overperform. It is one thing to aim for accuracy, such as pulling off a stunning and complex event. It is another to never hold space for being human or taking life-altering chances because you can’t calculate or control immediate and rapid success. Growth takes friction, and it takes gambles. Perfectionists are not fans of either.
The ideal family, career, or life has been used as a roadmap to a “good life” and a tool to judge conformity. Conformity, long valued by established institutions, drives manipulability and predictability, supporting a capitalistic system for accumulating wealth and power—many greedy and controlling systems benefit from conformity. The system needs you to participate in the never-ending pursuit of societal approval.
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Ask questions in a world that values conformity, and your mental health is called into question. Grow up in a screwed-up family and spend lifetimes trying to prove your worth to the system. It is a great way to ensure people stop thinking for themselves.
If your life experience fell outside the ideal, you were often gifted with heaps of guilt and shame. That process creates many adults who later need rewiring and struggle with perfection. Perfectionism is a painful and inauthentic way to live. It is rooted in discomfort with authenticity, with rawness and realness. It does not honor humanness. We are surrounded by reinforcement that sells a LOT of products and services.
On Saturday, I hosted my weekly X Spaces on this topic. Several of the nearly 200 amazing folks who dropped by to chat realized that they struggle with the price of perfectionism. They realized they were not reaching for their biggest dreams or stretching themselves because failure or criticism (much of it self-induced by adulthood) was holding them back from growth.
If you are wondering if you struggle with perfectionism, here are signs that it may be getting in the way of your growth:
Overly Critical of Oneself: Perfectionists tend to set extremely high standards and quickly criticize themselves for any perceived shortcomings, even if the mistake is minor.
Fear of Failure: They may be so afraid of making mistakes or failing that they procrastinate or avoid tasks entirely.
Difficulty Delegating: A belief that others won’t meet their high standards can make it hard for them to delegate tasks to others.
All-or-Nothing Thinking: Viewing situations in extremes—complete success or total failure—without room for middle ground or imperfection.
Procrastination: Ironically, perfectionists might procrastinate out of fear that they won’t be able to complete a task perfectly.
Excessive Checking and Revising: Repeatedly checking or revising work to ensure it’s flawless, often well beyond necessary.
Difficulty Celebrating Success: Even after achieving something, perfectionists might focus on the flaws or things that could have been better rather than celebrating their accomplishments.
People-Pleasing: They may go out of their way to please others in an attempt to be seen as perfect by those around them.
Inability to Rest or Relax: Feel guilty about taking breaks or resting because they feel they should be working on perfecting something.
Negative Impact on Mental Health: Perfectionism can contribute to anxiety, depression, stress, and burnout due to the relentless pursuit of unattainable standards.
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We are beginning to see the collapse of this dynamic as Hollywood perfection clashes with hot-mess social media personalities that celebrate being human. This is one of the reasons many celebrities are getting canceled. Many are over being shown constant streams of perfect seeming people and thirsty for authenticity.
For many adults, undoing perfectionism is a frightening prospect. It requires deep shadow work that allows the Renaissance man or woman deep within to blossom. Raw creativity is a divine act that flourishes in rawness.
If you are ready to challenge your perfectionist tendencies, here are healthy practices that will help you glow up.
Challenge Perfectionist Thoughts
Practice Self-Compassion: Replace self-criticism with kindness and understanding. Recognize that nobody is perfect, and allow yourself to make mistakes.
Reframe Negative Thoughts: When you notice yourself engaging in all-or-nothing thinking, challenge it by finding the middle ground or a more balanced perspective.
Set Realistic Goals
Aim for Progress, Not Perfection: Focus on making gradual improvements rather than trying to do everything perfectly. Embrace the idea of “good enough” where appropriate.
Break Tasks into Smaller Steps: Set smaller, achievable goals instead of overwhelming yourself with unrealistic standards.
Let Go of Control
Learn to Delegate: Practice trusting others with tasks and recognize that things don’t always need to be done your way to be done well.
Accept Imperfection: Permit yourself to make mistakes. Start with small tasks and intentionally leave room for imperfections to build tolerance.
Practice Self-Care
Prioritize rest: Understand that taking breaks and resting are vital for long-term productivity and mental health.
Engage in Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices like meditation, deep breathing, or yoga can help reduce stress and bring awareness to perfectionist tendencies.
Set Boundaries
Limit Overworking: Set clear boundaries on work hours or time spent on a task. Permit yourself to stop when you’ve reached a reasonable stopping point.
Say No to Unnecessary Commitments: Avoid overloading yourself with tasks or obligations that feed into perfectionist tendencies.
Embrace Vulnerability
Share Your Imperfections: Be open about your struggles with others. Sharing imperfections can help normalize them and reduce the pressure to be perfect.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about perfectionism. An outside perspective can help you see where your standards are unnecessarily high.
Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome
Enjoy the Journey: Shift your focus from the result to the task process. Regardless of the final product, find joy in the learning, growth, and experience.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate progress, even if the outcome isn’t flawless.
Address Underlying Fears
Confront the Fear of Failure: Reflect on your fears of failure and consider what the worst-case scenario truly is. Our fears are often exaggerated, and facing them head-on can diminish their power.
Practice Imperfection: Intentionally do things imperfectly to desensitize yourself to the anxiety it may cause.
Cultivate a Growth Mindset
View Mistakes as Learning Opportunities: Embrace the idea that mistakes and failures are essential for growth and learning. This mindset shift can reduce the pressure to be perfect and encourage continuous improvement.
Embrace your authentic self and learn to love all versions of yourself. Life goes by so quickly. Give your journey a jolt by trying something new.
Have a fantastic week.
Cynthia
ShamanIsis.com
SoulTechFoundation.org
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