The Perfectionism I Thought Was Strength
Enjoy all of my 2026 predictions with the new episode of GlowUp with Shaman Isis
By Shaman Isis
Spiritual Teacher | Consciousness Advocate | Lover of Divine Truth
Happy New Year Beautiful Souls!
For most of my life, I wore perfectionism like a badge of honor.
I thought it meant I was disciplined.
Refined.
High-achieving.
Unstoppable.
It wasn’t until I was deep into writing Memory Mansion—excavating memories, sitting with emotions I had spent decades outrunning—that I had a moment that genuinely stunned me:
My perfectionism wasn’t ambition.
It was armor.
And that armor was forged in childhood.
The Realization That Changed Everything
When you grow up in instability, chaos, or emotional unpredictability, your nervous system adapts to survive. You become hyper-aware. Hyper-responsible. Hyper-vigilant.
Perfectionism, I came to understand, is often a trauma response disguised as excellence.
As a child, I learned, without anyone ever saying it out loud, that mistakes were dangerous. That being “good,” impressive, or invisible was safer than being messy, needy, or human. Control became comfort. Achievement became protection.
So I became exceptional.
But I also became exhausted.
Signs You Might Be Struggling With Perfectionism
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Perfectionism isn’t always obvious. In fact, it often hides behind praise and productivity. Here are some signs that it may be running the show:
You procrastinate—not because you’re lazy, but because starting feels overwhelming
You’re deeply uncomfortable being seen while you’re still “figuring it out”
You tie your worth to outcomes, achievements, or external validation
You have an intense fear of failure, or success
You’re incredibly hard on yourself but compassionate toward everyone else
You struggle to rest without guilt
You constantly feel like you could have done “more” or “better”
You rewrite emails, posts, or projects obsessively
You feel unsafe unless things are under control
If any of this resonates, please know this:
You didn’t choose this.
Your nervous system did.
Where Perfectionism Comes From
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Perfectionism often develops in childhood environments where:
Love felt conditional
Praise was inconsistent or performance-based
Caregivers were emotionally unavailable, unpredictable, or critical
You were parentified or forced to “grow up” too soon
Mistakes led to punishment, shame, or withdrawal
You learned that being “easy” was safer than having needs
In these environments, perfectionism becomes a strategy to avoid rejection, abandonment, or harm. It’s the child’s way of saying:
“If I get this right, I’ll be safe.”
The tragedy is that the strategy stays long after the danger has passed.
The Cost of Being Perfect
Perfectionism doesn’t just steal joy, it steals presence.
It keeps you from:
Creating freely
Resting deeply
Asking for help
Celebrating yourself
Letting others truly know you
It convinces you that you’re never quite done, never quite enough, never quite there.
And yet, no amount of perfection ever delivers the safety it promises.
Gentle Ways to Heal Perfectionism
Healing perfectionism isn’t about “letting yourself go” or lowering standards. It’s about retraining your nervous system to feel safe without control.
Here are a few practices that help me.
1. Separate Worth from Output
Remind yourself, daily if necessary, that your value is not created by productivity. You are worthy when you rest. You are worthy when you try. You are worthy when you fail.
2. Practice “Good Enough” on Purpose
Choose small, low-stakes areas of life where you allow things to be imperfect. Notice that nothing terrible happens. Your body needs proof.
3. Get Curious, Not Critical
When perfectionism shows up, ask:
“What is this part of me afraid of right now?”
There is almost always a younger version of you asking for safety.
4. Slow Down the Body
Perfectionism lives in the nervous system. Breathwork, yoga, walking, meditation, and somatic practices help your body learn that the threat has passed.
5. Rewrite the Inner Narrative
Instead of “I have to get this right,” try:
“I’m allowed to learn as I go.”
“I am safe even when I’m unfinished.”
“This does not define me.”
6. Allow Yourself to Be Seen Mid-Process
Let someone witness you before you’re “ready.” This gently dismantles the belief that love requires polish.
From Armor to Authenticity
Writing Memory Mansion cracked something open in me. It showed me that the parts of myself I once tried to perfect away were never flaws—they were adaptations.
And once you honor the adaptation, you no longer need to live inside it.
Perfectionism kept me alive.
But softness let me live.
If you’re struggling with perfectionism, I want you to hear this clearly:
There is nothing wrong with you.
Your system learned how to survive.
Now it’s allowed to learn how to rest.
And that, beautiful soul, is where true freedom begins.
With loads of love,
Shaman Isis ✨
P.S. Listen to the full predictions episode on Season 2 of GlowUp with Shaman Isis. Podcast links below!
