How to Spot Spiritual Bypassing
What Is Spiritual Bypassing And What Are The Signs It's Being Used
In a recent podcast interview, I joked about being the potty-mouthed shaman. My language can indeed get very colorful on occasion. For example, last Friday, someone questioned my spiritual commitment because they disliked me calling out politicians for their responsibility in the partial collapse of the American Dream. My rather sassy response was to say, GTFOOMF with your spiritual bypassing and bullying. The commenter has shown a habit of spiritual bypassing, and it was time to give them the Thano snap. The exchange made me realize that spiritual bypassing would be a good topic for my newsletter. Spiritual bypassing is the tendency to use spiritual practices and ideas to avoid dealing with uncomfortable issues.
The concept was first introduced by a psychotherapist named John Welwood in Toward a Psychology of Awakening. He coined the phrase to explain what happens when we 'use spiritual ideas and practices to avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.'
Welwood, a practicing Buddhist, noticed that he and others habitually used the language of spirituality as a shield instead of actively listening and discussing uncomfortable topics. He noted that people, including himself, would use spiritual beliefs to silence uncomfortable conversations.
As a defense mechanism, it works very well. It is so subtle many people don't even realize they are being spiritually bypassed. This allows people to use spirituality as a shield against things they don't want to discuss. This stunts the growth of both ends of the conversation.
What are the signs? How can you spot bypassing? Here are some good examples of spiritual bypassing:
You are upset about your partner's behavior, and they respond that your spiritual guru would say, “You are projecting negativity."
Something scary happens financially, and people tell you to “have an abundance mindset.”
A man is upset because of something that happened, and people tell him to stop living in a negative vibration.
The most common example of bypassing is that at your relative's funeral, everyone keeps telling you that "it is in God's plan" or "everything happens for a reason." I despise that last phrase, as I personally do not believe everything happens for a reason. Things happen, and your choices decide how they can alter your future for the better or worse.
Serious life concerns are often dismissed because others would rather gloss over hard talk than step out of themselves to help others grow. Spiritual bypassing prevents the other person from dealing with very real human issues.
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Signs of Spiritual Bypassing
If you know the signs, then spiritual bypassing can be easily spotted. Here are some of the most common examples.
When someone reduces a traumatic experience to a “learning experience” or “silver lining.”
When serious, often painful, life experiences are reduced to "god's will" or "god's plan."
Denying very real human emotions with platitudes
Highly idealized behavior chosen over a very real human conversation
Detachment from very human feelings that we experience
Dismissing fear responses because it is faster than talking about what needs to heal
Toxic positivity is being used to avoid acknowledging feelings.
Using superiority to avoid talking about the "awkward things."
Ignoring the real issues with "positive thinking."
Acting as though everything is ok when it is not
Being told to think positively to effect an outcome
Conclusion: Spiritual bypassing allows us to avoid hard conversations with meaningless phrases that gloss over real problems
Have you experienced bypassing or have you done it
We have all done it. I know I am guilty of spiritually bypassing someone when I am not in the mood for a serious conversation. If you want to check yourself the next time you do this, here are some of the best examples I have heard others and I use when SB someone.
Your mind creates the reality you deserve
That was a blessing in disguise
That was a blessing in disguise
My thoughts/prayers are with you
Positive frequency people only!
That was for the best.
Everything happens for a reason
Positive energy only
I hang with high-vibrational people only
Conclusion: Instead of using typical phrases that reveal just how little we listen, try to discern if someone really needs to talk so they can heal. With that approach, you can be of service. Service is a mindset that makes spiritual bypassing much harder to do.
What is the cause
On the surface, bypassing is a shield or defense mechanism to prevent awkward conversations about uncomfortable topics. Why do we do this? Our society tends to gloss over real issues in favor of what is easy. We can be in our heads or selfish at times.
Organized religion and the wellness industry have made toxic positivity one of the dominant reasons for spiritual bypassing. While it is true that your mindset, thoughts, and self-talk create your reality, we are light beings having a human experience.
Part of leveling up as a human is the need to resolve complex emotional issues and serious psychological challenges. That means talking them through with someone who can give you helpful feedback and emotional support. That someone is sometimes you.
Long-term Impact of spiritual bypassing
People do not heal when they are put off with pithy platitudes. That means having awkward conversations that others need to move forward. It sometimes means you need to get emotionally naked. Why does it? The impact of spiritual bypassing includes:
Confusion and stress
Anxiousness
A feeling of shame
Self-control issues
Unhealthy levels of drugs and alcohol
Conclusion: What to do? Try not to use one-liners and platitudes with friends and family. Remember that negativity serves an essential purpose in the human experience! It brings to light things that need to change. Personal growth is the primary purpose of our responses to negativity and challenges. Being uncomfortable reminds you that you are being triggered, and healing must occur. So, the next time you feel human, See it as an opportunity for growth!
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Wishing you a fantastic week!
Love and light,
Cynthia